Assumptions
by Mizuni-no-neko
Summary: Christophe and Gregory are stranded in Suburbia and Gregoru just won't stop and ask directions. Makes fun of my recent string of drama/horror fics


I don't even know what happened. First I got the idea that it would be hilarious if someone was fighting over pulling over and asking directions, since that seems to be a typical couply argument. Then it started to take a horror twist like everything has here lately, but I wanted it to be funny so, here ya go!

* * *

Christophe and Gregory had been driving around the outer rim of suburbia for awhile now. All the houses and streets looked the same and no matter how many times they checked the map they were still lost.

"Just pull over and ask for directions." Mole growled exasperatedly. Gregory grunted in response and kept driving, earning a glare and a petulant huff from the mercenary. He crossed his arms and glared out the window at the identical houses on identical streets that seemed to stretch to eternity.

"Just ask someone for some goddamned directions, beetch!" He growled, whipping around to turn his glare back on Gregory.

"We don't need directions, we're not lost!" He shot back, checking the map again. His eyes darted back and forth futilely between the road and the map. Neither told him anything about where they were or where they were headed.

Christophe sighed in exasperation, pouting out the window again. "Should 'ave fuckeeng let me drive. But nooooo." He grumbled as Gregory made the same turn that he could of sworn they made three hours ago. They were going in a giant circle and Gregory wouldn't even stop to figure out where they were!

Finally Mole was just fed up with it. Growling, he unbuckled his seatbelt and put up the arm rest that separated their seats.

Christophe climbed into Gregory's lap, putting his foot on the break and pulling over to the side of the road, ignoring Gregory's wiggling protests.

"Now, when I tell you to pull over and ask for directions, what do you do?"

"I p-pull over and ask directions?"

"Damn skippy you do, beetch."

Gregory gulped and nodded, slipping out from under the Frenchman and going up to the nearest house. It wasn't too late in the evening, so someone answered. A thin pale man who looked decidedly seedy looked at him from the other side of the doorway like he was a particularly interesting bug.

"Excuse me, but could you tell us how to get back to the highway?" He asked, still a bit shaken from being carjacked by his boyfriend.

"Yes." He man hissed, his voice slimy and deceptive-sounding. He gave a sly smile and beckoned him to come into the house. Why don't you come in and I'll get you a map, bring your friend.

Gregory, not seeing anything wrong with this _at all_, went out to the car to get Christophe. Since both of them are totally oblivious to the man's obvious creepiness, they both entered the suburban home without hesitation.

As soon as the door shut behind them, they heard a dry, rasping cackle coming from seemingly nowhere. They looked around, perplexed and slightly scared.

"Sorry, I just thought of a really good joke someone told me last week." The creepy guy said, suddenly turning up behind them. They smiled politely, though somewhat uncomfortable.

"Come with me, the map is just through this door. In my _basement_." The last word sounded almost like a pleased purr. Still not seeing anything wrong with the situation whatsoever, both boys went through the door and trotted down the basement stairs.

They were cast into complete darkness as the door was shut at the top of the stairs, a light flicking on over a stainless steel table that seemed to have a dried red substance on it. The man was standing over the table with a dangerous gleam in his eye. He beckoned the two of them over and they came obediently.

"Here you go, here's the map." He said pleasantly in his snakey voice, a map of the area with 'You are here' marker on it in red ink and a line drawn from the house to the highway. The man scooped off some of the red substance and licked it ff his finger, humming happily. "I just love strawberry jam."

He led the boys back out to their car and even gave them a gas can full of fuel since it was a long way to the next gas station.

"Wouldn't want you boys to have to stop in the middle of nowhere and walk to the station, you never know where the crazies are."

They thanked him and left on their way.

* * *

This is why you never assume. It makes and ass out of you and me


End file.
